Who is asking 'this' question?

When we ask the question 'why me?' What we are really saying is why not him? Or why not her? Or why not every or any other person but me? As if any kind of misfortune on the other person is justifiable so long 'it is not me!'

The pangs of pain could easily weigh the heart down and cause us to be narrow minded, sinister, though unwittingly, and most selfish in the way we process the train of thoughts sweeping through our minds.

I have been there and even now, more times than I want, I still find myself throwing a pity party, lamenting the cantata 'why me?'

It is hard to cope...? You bet!

It may take ages to come to terms with... But like all things, when handed over to God, it will sort itself out. I don't know how or even when, only that eventually the understanding heart receives wisdom... And that is just the start...

Life goes on!

A night for love!

Never in my wildest dreams would I have dreamt of a night like this. I wrote this not too long after the incidence and it still amazes the crazy, stupid and exceedingly dangerous things we do for love. No way am I going to reveal the deeper details because I do not know who would be looking through this site. I would have loved that writing it out takes away the pain and grief that the day brought with it and restore the harmony that I crave; that it helped to understand him a little more made it all worth the stress.

There was no way I was going to be okay, knowing UML was out. Out as in not at home or any other safe place for that matter. Things had come to a head with his father and he just left the house. Just like that at about 8pm or thereabouts.

Talking did little to help get him back into the house. It was no joke at all that credit going in through one ear was just pouring out of the other. I had to make the trip from the island to Iyana-Ipaja, a distance of about 70km, at 10:30pm to meet him and then find a way out.

We finally compromised and headed for Iju, an aunt’s of his’ place. He wanted to come to my place, I wanted him to go back home. At 12:03am he stepped in through the streets main gate and we said our good byes. He wanted me to come in and see the aunt. I refused flatly. She had already called me on the phone and threatened me long before I even met him at the bus stop. How it was my fault that he involved me and I did all I could to help, still remains understandable.

Then my journey began back home; not exact time but approximations. Only the appropriately psychotic would have been able to track time perfectly under such circumstances.

≈ 12:07am – started back; towards home that is

≈ 12:30am – got a bike to Fagba that charged a tooth and a half

≈ 12:40am – walking the way to Abule egba

≈12:44am – got a marwa to Abule egba. Fares are far from being fair at nite.

≈12:56am – At Abule egba

≈01:02am – stopped by the cops. I was allowed on. Even got some shaking of the head on my behalf

≈01:06am – No bikes. No ride was stopping to pick a hiker

≈01:36am – Stopped by vigilante. Machete used to search me. For what? I didn’t voice my thought but I was told ‘searching for hidden gun’. “GOD FORBID” my response. I was let go. Enjoyed a little bit more pity party…lol

≈01:43am – ‘come here’ – words of another vigilante. Ok at this point I am tired and drained; more emotionally than physically. I didn’t quite get across, communication wise, quick enough so I got two strokes. Yep! You read right two nasty strokes of serious canning. So I narrated my story and they even offered that I stay with them till dawn. I decide to take my fate in my hands and asked to continue. There was no way I was going to stay with some wannabe cops.

≈01:52am – Some cops at Iyana Ipaja speaking the Hausa language and listening to the radio. Tried greeting them not even a nod did I get in return. I sat some 65 meters away from them.

≈02:20am – finally I get a pick up.

≈02:35am – All reflexes are down, I had to use the loo… the strength of the possible danger now hitting hard.

It remains, most definitely, one of the most daunting experiences of my life. Yet it was all in a day’s work; for him and for me. He needed to grow into being is own person. I was going to be there for him, that’s what friends are for; stand with each other.

The Spotlight

It is hard to sit and then to try and write words from my heart

For words that mean some things to you mean nothing to someone else

The Dreams of things to come and things that may not be

Consequences of things thought of that filled your every move

I know sometimes I feel like I have it all together

When friends are around, and family

And when it feels that life itself is in love with me

Those moments of glory when all I can see is me in the spotlight

Me taking to the centre stage, me riding the waves of applause

The crowds loving me and me just being me

It is hard to think of those moments though when all you have are trying times

Tribulations of sorts staring in the face as myriads of deposition charge at the soul

Times of fitful sleeps, troubled dreams and nightmares the little time sleep grants you audience

And friends – a million light years off

Here I wait seating, longing for me stepping up to the podium

Reaching the spot where the lights hit the stage, just me

And tell my story like only I can tell it

Voice my heart like only I can do

Raise high my speech high beyond the enclosure

Traversing yards and yards of space filled emptiness

Never would have thought that dreams could be so charged

Imaginations so fired up

Looking to see that day

When my desires and hopes would be

The slightest hint of water brings the trees to life

Now I tweak my nose I smell something in the air

It smells clean, it smells different

And when I am done taking my bit of shine

In the light that everyone wants a bit of but only a few will ever ride on

Step even higher and then shine the light on you

I was never made to shine by myself for then the darkness all around will burn out mine

But when I through my light, shine a little light on you, and the next

And you shine a little on the next, and one after

I will truly have hit the spot where the lights don’t shine down

Where the light that shines is me, you and the next

A spot where the light actually shines from

A place from deep down;

A heart that gives