Wired!

This temper of mine was getting the best of me and I had to do something about it pretty fast before it becomes my undoing.

That thought has becoming a daily rehash. Getting off and going was a hard one. The problem is that I have an attitude and a mouth I loved to run; two things that just don’t mix well.

‘Who is that’ I responded to the knock on the door

‘Local Council Inspectors’ came the reply

‘Local what?’ sounded like some something straight from the seventies. I was just not in the mood for any long thing right now. The girl friend had just broken up and I didn’t really need the company that was being forced upon me. What were they here for anyways?

“One minute” I called out. Already calculating and mind checking what and what could be the cause of this definitely going-to-end-up unpleasant visit.

I got up from the recliner that the now ex-girlfriend had bought for my birthdays two years before. She said I needed it to rest my neck from all the reading. I am not so sure now it was not the same books that had finally driven her away. I thought to myself as I meandered through the several stacks of books and magazines all over the floor. I just didn’t have the space to stack them and even if I did, the time was not just there. And by any standard I liked my stuff just where they are for easy accessibility by me. I couldn’t afford to have someone come and help clear the place and become confounded when I needed a particular one.

‘Gbam gbam’ it sounded as if they meant to break down my door. What the heck was the problem? First they come for only providence knows what. Then they are attempting to push down my door. I felt tempted to just go back to my seat and see how long they would keep at their silliness. But I thought better of it. No point having them put the neighbours through the hullaballoo, and not because I liked my neighbours, oh no, but at least it was a point to begin work on myself.

After making it through the space between where I was and the door, I peeped through the viewer and saw two men and a lady all staring silly-like at the door. Not knowing what to expect I guess.

‘Your ids please’ I asked

One by one they all raised their identity cards to the level of the eye-viewer. Not necessarily a confirmation but the way they had been a little bit reluctant had told me they could be genuine. They probably weren’t used to being questioned. Well they were in for a very delectable afternoon; they had no inkling whatsoever.

I opened the door a crack and asked ‘how may I help you’?

‘Well we are here to inspect you sanitary ...’

‘Towel?’ I cut in before the lady who was leading the talk could finish. ‘Do I look like a lady that uses one?

If she had been light skinned she couldn’t have been any more crimson than she was at that moment.

‘What she meant to say ...’ One of the men with her tried to interject.

‘I believe that she can still do that without you being her interpreter. Or am I wrong ms?’ I jumped in again. I had suddenly gained a healthy dose of endorphins being released into my system and all I felt right now was no pain but enough contempt for the society to take it out on these silly looking government officials

“Yes I..” she stammered.  “.. I was saying that we came to check the condition of your drainage and septic system’ she finally got it out

“That is what you should have said instead of just standing there and blabbing sanitary” I queried as I opened the door a little bit wider so that it was one person at a time that could squeeze in. This was to help me access them individual as they stepped over the threshold.

It was a strange building where I lived in. It was a two room apartment. The two rooms were upstairs, underneath the staircase there was a visitor’s loo. The kitchen was to the left of the entrance door. The staircase faced the main door and the parlour was on your right as you stepped through the door they had just come in through. At the end of the parlour was a door that leads outdoors, to the back of the house. Here was planted a garden that was neatly trimmed and weeded. Timi, the boy from next door, come in weekly to make sure that it was properly kept. It was in fact the only part that made proper about the whole house. Mom had stayed with me before her passing and that had been her passion. And I somewhat still thought of her as being alive whenever I walked into that garden. The only reason I had it trimmed and watered. To the extreme left, coming out of that door was what they had come to check. The pipes that brought forth waste from the interior of the house.

‘Can we take a closer look?’ the one who appeared to be the leader of the group. I turned to look at her with a look that said ‘would my saying no make any difference?’ but answered in the affirmative, ‘Please go ahead’.

And they all moved like zombies towards the pipe. I stood back as I watched the government operatives try to do their thing. I was not a government lover and anything that had to do with them I tried to steer clear of as much as I could. But now that they had brought themselves in to my lair I was at loss at how I was going to deal with them. I had a mind to just dispose of them before they really got on my nerves.

‘Excuse sir?’ she called. I had not even bothered to ask their names, what is the point? I wasn’t planning on seeing them again, ever, if I could avoid it.

‘Yes ma’ I answered sarcastically. No way was I going to make their intrusion on my privacy easy or welcoming for that matter.

‘The slab is broken and it causes the water that should flow away, seep into the soil. It will percolate and begin to stench up the air.’ She went on.

I looked at her shook my head and said absolutely nothing. It was obvious that they either didn’t have anything to hold on to or they were not really who they were claiming to be in spite of the ids they possessed. At that point I just lost interest in the entire drama. I walked away from them into the house, went to the kitchen took from the fridge a cold can of malt, cut myself a slice of cake and went upstairs. And all the while they just stood there and stared after me like they had been jinxed.

I got upstairs and let out of the room my German Shepard house mate, Judy and asked her to go downstairs and keep the guests company. I could not keep from giggling as I went into the room and snacked on my cake.

A few minutes later I stepped out and went downstairs. Judy was sitting at the door blocking any means of exit. I went in to the kitchen dropped the plate in the sink and the can in the thrash basket, turned back into the parlour and stared in mock horror when I saw that government officials, on seeing Judy apparently, had pulled the slide door shut. And they just stood there in great apprehension of what next.

I most have acted really well because rather than show anger, relief and gratitude was written on their faces. I quickly shooed Judy upstairs, opened the slide door and by the way they hurried to the door profusely thanking me, lol, I was just too sure that I was not going to see them back so soon or at worst not this set of government staffers. 

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Nothing related to real life though. Just trying my hands at imaginary writing, better known as fiction. Let me know what you think.

Ciao!