What it takes...

This is turning out to be one very lousy day. Went to sleep last night feeling on top of the world and now I don't even know how it went from smoking hot to fire out. A hot slap would have worked if I thought it was a dream. But it is not and the knot at the base of my stomach just won't loosen. Geez this my mouth. But I am not telling this story so .... I hope you make sense out of this, my frame of mind is just not it... I long to have my muse (love) back.

Okay so it does take a lot of getting used to; not just you by yourself, but you and her and the rest of the world, interacting on one level or the other. How do you cope when your commitment to stay together is put to several overwhelming test? How do you deal with the issues you never even thought were possible but is now staring you in the face? Ooo it is rather much easier to say this or that now when you don't see any storm in the horizon. Just wait a bit till when those issues come, then let me know what you think and how you feel...

Over the years I have seen couples not being able to give it what it takes. I mean it is all about give and take, a 50/50 kinda loving, even though I think a 90/90 kind is possible. Yet it often deeps to as low as 60/40, 80/20 and the 'I don't care if he/she is alive or dead' kind of love. Okay so that is not love I agree but they live together at least under the same roof. They do talk when they have to, mostly about the children. That is if they even do that. I have a story I would share soon. True to life for those of us who thought that some kind of experiences where just the imaginations of those who enthralled us with such. Sorry I digress.

And so I would think why is it so difficult to move beyond the mistake and be reconciled to one's love? But it always is easy to see from one side more clearly than from the other side. The one who is hurt feels every bite of the pain. The one who hurt finds it difficult to forgive himself. So the stalemate... 

So what happened to the love? Now why are you looking at me like that like I have all the answers. 

I am asking myself what it takes to stoke up the love? You may want to know what it cost to make it burn eternally like when it first began? I am asking myself, truthfully, why I didn't think about how those words would translate to you when I said them? 

Okay so it takes a lot more to keep a relationship than just the wishing for it to be stable. I still do not know all what it takes to love you the way you deserve to be loved, but I know one thing not to ever do again. Now I see it is about growing in to each other. 

What it takes..., do you know?