The fools paradise

(In his parlor, soliloquizing)

Me? Slapped?

Me? A whole me, slapped

Not even by a man

Oh, we would have racked it out

But a woman? A woman slaps me?

And then not even a big woman at that

Not even rich or on the big side

No! That would have been something

But by a woman 4 feet and six inches tall climbing on a stool to reach my cheeks

She said I owed her

What if I did?

A miserly 50 naira

And then she gives me a slap!

(Friend Enters)

Friend: Ojukwu my friend for life

The one who will not take nonsense from anyone

The one with temper like that of an angry lion

Ojukwu, the three in one man

(Ojukwu does not acknowledge greetings)

What bit you? Or as the sharp witted one lost his tongue?

(Still no replay)

Are you Ill or have the gods fried your brains?

Ojukwu: May the gods fry your brains 2 times over and then mix it with two gallons of water in that big head of yours. You wretched grandson of a cow!

Friend: Thanks be to the gods! So you are not brain dead after all. What is the problem my friend?

Ojukwu: The words will be too heavy for your dull ears to understand.

Friend: Try me

Ojukwu: Ok! I was slapped

Friend: So?

Ojukwu: Won’t you allow me to die before you bury me?

Friend: Sorry o! please go on

Ojukwu: Owootori slappede me because of 50 naira

Friend: (laughs and laughs)

Ojukwu: Go on laugh. Show the world you have a rainbow colourede set of teeth.

Friend: (trying to control his laughter)

I’m sorry . I just couldn’t help laughing. It’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. That the great Ojukwu, the one who has no time for nonsense, could be slapped by no one else but owootori. That maltina sized bottle sized woman? Even the gods would laugh’.

What did you do?

Ojukwu: Nothing

Friend: What?

Ojukwu: I said nothing. Or is it the ear that is aching you that directed towards me?

Friend: Ok don’t worry about it. If the great Ojukwu could be slapped and the heavens did not fall after all, we must celebrate.

Ojukwu: May rats celebrate your stupidity

Friend: Come with me. I’ll buy the drinks. I heard mama Kunle has just been supplied fresh palm wine

Ojukwu: You should have said that before you started jumping about like a goat in heat

Friend: Let us go

(They exit the stage)

APPENDIX

Owootori (meaning hands that do not reach the head) – it is a Yoruba (west African tribe) word for a midget, dwarf.

Ojukwu is an igbo name (west African tribe) that is synonymous with strength/warrior.

50 Naira is approximately 33 US Cents