Breakfast was supposed to be in bed at 7:20am that morning but it was never meant to be…
The memories of that morning remains with me, though it happened quite a while ago. The thought of it always brought the tears to my eyes. A sad reminder that even the steeled heart has its break point. But today, today is special…
Today is the fifth anniversary of baby’s passing, a date only to easy to remember for it was also Ugo’s 12th birthday; same age they were. Sometimes it feels stupid, even sissy to have allowed myself to be sucked into the whole thing called love. Shit... It only opened you up to hurts and more hurts. It was so much easier to just be by yourself with no attachment to anyone. Much less a frail looking lad like him. Yes, go on, you can think whatever you want to, even say it out if you’ve got the balls, excuse my pun, but it is only so easy to despise the seemingly weak. Gosh!
It’s been five years of almost daily remembering the one person that almost single handedly turned my life around. The annoying thing is that his face is almost fading from my mind. I never thought that would happen since I always will want to remember him just the way he was before he went and took the long sleep that my calling out to him never had any effect like it did when he was alive.
Looking back over these past years at the writings and penciled, mostly penned thoughts that have been influenced by him, seeing his friends going on to the university and all that, knowing that he is in a much better position and place, is the only consolation for the soul that never wanted him gone, at least not before me… and that not till way into my late 80’s.
The shouts and the screams of the boys woke me up from the sleep.. Yep I had planned on sleeping in a little longer but that too was only my imagination playing well into the future. He’s been taken to the hospital I was told and frankly speaking how I arrived at the place without crashing the vehicle remains a miracle. But the previous night was the last I would ever see him alive, *sob*, though it wasn’t the last time I’ll talked to him. I howled at him, begged, bargained, and then more pleading but he was way too gone to answer me. I knew though that he was in there somewhere just looking at me with a sad miserable face! Almost wanting to come back...
Ha! I can just here you say wacko! Bloody hell, you can call me whatever pleases you… Opinion is like an arse-hole, everyone’s got one. Meaning even the dumb fool (yuck!) will give his if he ever gets an audience. Lol! At least now I can laugh at myself with regards to him but loosing 4-5kg in a week was the most amazing yet despairing singular event of my weight life. That was the week he died…
I won’t go on and bore you with my typed thoughts. It’s true that the ones we love never really die; they live on in our hearts. He came, he witnessed and won, all in the space of ten months; no wonder I still believe he was really an angel and was never meant to be here for too long anyways. Or how else do you describe one who cared more for the comfort of others than he did for himself? If you have got a better choice of noun, please, fill me in.
“I hope you smile more often now? And just in case you still wonder if I really meant those things I used to tell you? You bet, I meant every single word! And thanks too. You are one heaven of a guy... Miss you still.”
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That was written exactly one year ago. Today marks the sixth year of his passing and Ugochukwu’s eighteen birthday. Even as I celebrate with Ugo, Hugo as he calls himself, I am no longer in mourning but it is a day like no other that I will remember for the rest of my life.
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